What is a father?

I've asked that question so many times throughout my life. I wish I had the answer, but I don't. I can say a lot about what a father should be, but this isn't what it is about. I can only truly know what it is to be a mother. I can only attempt to relate to the feelings of a father based on being a mother. Therefore, I can relate to being a parent.

A Father is a man, that we do know.

A Father should be there for his child, that I hope we can agree on.

A Father is a provider of strength for his family, that I hope we can see.

A Father is part of the foundation of the family. The word 'parents' is plural for a reason. It takes a mother and a father to raise a child.

My biological father wasn't there for me while I was growing up. He wasn't allowed to be a father to me. After years of trying, he gave up and moved on with his life. Tomorrow is another Father's Day that I will miss my father.

It wasn't until I was 28 when I finally met my biological father. My mother contacted him just prior to my 28th birthday. One week prior to Father's Day, he found out he has cancer. It spread from his colon into his stomach. He passed away nine months later. I spent 14 days of those nine months with him. Today I have his last name, something I feel I should have had all along.

My Father isn't alone. There are many men who are denied being a father to their child(ren). Although, I am not angry with my mother and I can understand why she did what she did, I still can't erase the pain that I felt growing up. The pains of just wanting the truth.

There is a man who I do consider my father out there. He is the man that I was told was my father while growing up. Although I questioned this, I still grew up loving him for what he offered me. He was there for me, to the best of his ability. Because of this whole mess there are scares in our relationship. It will take time to heal those scares, and I'm willing to allow that time.

This wasn't/isn't easy for either one of my fathers. Both have gone through a lot because of a choice that was made many years ago. One ended up feeling as if I left him and the other felt he missed out on my whole life.

A child should not suffer due to a parent's choice. Men should be allowed to be fathers, and women should be allowed to be mothers. Society needs to understand it takes both parents to raise a child, not just one.

To all the Fathers out there who will not be with their children this Father's Day... my heart goes out to you. You should not be denied what you are. You are a father.

I may be only a single mother, but I know I can't raise my children alone. It takes both the mother and the father. I have two older sons who have not seen their father for nearly 13 years. They need a father.

If you are a child who was denied their father, my heart goes out to you. Look for him. Find him. He is out there.

If you are a mother who is denying a father who they are, please look within yourself. Why are you doing this?

God Bless you all. Happy Father's Day to all dads out there.

Tracy - June 19, 1999