June 15, 1999

The events for the past week has had me on a emotional roller coaster. My doctor's appointment, the murder of a co-worker's daughter, the results from my doctor, coming down with strep-throat, and today the funeral for the daughter.

I came down with strep this morning. I called in sick at work and decided I was going to stay home. I asked one of my co-workers to send my love to the father of the daughter, she said she would. On the way home from having a throat culture I decided to take a right turn and go to Albany, Oregon, where the funeral was being held. Something inside of me told me to go. I'm glad I did.

The woman who was murdered was married and a mother of two daughters. She was only 32 years old. She suffered from domestic violence. When she met her now husband he was using an assumed name. She married him and didn't know anything of his past. He was very controling in her life. He would drive her to work, he had to give her permission to visit her parents, etc.

Last fall she started to find out her husband's past when a police officer knocked on their door because he had a warrent for his arrest. He was being charged with stalking another women in the Salem area. His violence towards his wife became worse.

She left their home and filed for divorce in May of 1999. She filed for a restraining order. The husband was picked up and jailed for violation of the RO just days before she was murdered. A co-worker of his posted his bail. The day he was suppose to show up in court for that violation is the day he showed up at his wife's car which was parked downtown Salem. He shot and killed her.

The following day he was found in a small town outside of Salem. He had shot himself in a rented car.

Today was her funeral. I choose to go to help show my support to my co-worker and his wife. They will be raising their granddaughters. As I sat and listened I started to cry in rememberance of the violence I took from my ex-husband. You see, Dec. 9, 1999 will mark 14 years since I left my ex. I left him due to his violence towards me and our two sons.

Prior to me leaving I stopped and gave my co-worker and his wife a hug. I told his wife that my heart goes out to her, and my mother's heart. As her eyes filled up with tears, all I could see was my mother's own tears throught the years that I spent with my ex.

I was lucky. When I left I had some place safe to go. Although my ex threatened to kill me, our sons, my mother, and a few others in my family... nothing was ever done about it. He mentioned it in front of judges, probation officers, DA's, etc... and nothing was done about it. He even mentioned that he would kidnap our two sons and do harm to them. Even after he did just that, there is still nothing they can do about his threats.

For years I lived in fear. I don't anymore.

If you are a sufferer of domestic violence, or know someone who is... my heart cries out for you. Domestic violence is not only done to women, but also men, and let's not forget about the children it affects.

On the way home from the funeral I was listening to an Enya CD. Playing was "Hope has a place." The words 'hope is home, and the heart is free' are the words I remember most of that song. Allow your heart to be free.

Tracy